


Bird set free

by NikiMouse221



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel's First Kiss, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, First Meetings, Headcanon, Hell, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Language, M/M, OTP Feels, Pining, Pining Castiel, Pining Dean, Pre-Season/Series 04, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-17 05:08:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5855353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikiMouse221/pseuds/NikiMouse221
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I think we've all heard the head-canon where Dean and Cas fell in-love while in hell, before Cas rescued Dean, but then Castiel had to erase the time they spent together from Dean's mind, for whatever reason.<br/>So- here is the story of how Dean and Cas, met before they really met.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He's an Angel of the Lord

"Castiel, you've been chosen, by God himself! It's an honor. You can't decline this mission." Castiel remembered his brother, Zachariah, getting him ready for his journey.  
He knew it was an honor, but it was very hard to focuses on the importance and the honorability of this mission whilst trying to stay alive in this place.  
Castiel looked around him and decided the coast was clear; he got up and continued moving forward, leaving 4 dead demon bodies behind him. He was ready to be attacked at any second, but he had to keep on going, he had to continue going deeper into hell.

"You will find the vessel and you will do anything it takes to bring it back to earth as fast as you can. And please bring it… him, back in one piece, understand?" he remembered the directions clearly, and he had to obey.  
As he got deeper the demon attacks became more and more frequent. He couldn't stop. He mustn't stop. He has to obey heaven's orders.

It must have been weeks, months maybe, until he finally reached his destination, and when he did, he couldn't believe what he saw.  
"Righteous man", they said, "Michael's true vessel", they claimed.  
All Castiel saw was a monster. A cold blooded creature torturing helpless souls, with a.. smile? Is it a smile he sees on the man's, no not man, on the demon's face?  
He tortures the soul and he enjoys it. Castiel couldn't believe he went through so many layers of hell, almost died more than once, killed so many demons, broke so many rules, and he'd done all of that, for this? But orders are orders. And if heaven asked him for this man then, so be it. He started approaching the.. The... The so called, "vessel", with every step the demon's pleasured groaning sounded louder, the soul's sobs grew louder as well, the blood looked more vivid, it was horrifying. However, Castiel didn't stop, he had to obey.

The man froze with the touch of the angels hand on his left shoulder. He lowered his blood soaked blade and turned his head slightly to look at the hand, before he could turn around to look at the stranger who was behind him, Castiel spoke. "Don't turn around, Dean." The demon froze, clearly, he could understand the angel, this was a pleasant surprise. "Your eyes will evaporate as soon as you look at me." He continued.  
"Uh yeah, bitch? Try me" Dean said turning around to look at angel. Nothing happened. _Maybe he is the true vessel after all_ , Castiel thought, scolding himself for questioning heaven and its decisions for even a moment.  
"And who the heck are you?!" the green eyed man looked at him with a mix of confusion and anger on his face.

"My name is Castiel. I am an angel of the lord. And I'm here to raise you from perdition."


	2. The righteous man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel wants to save Dean, but what if Dean doesn't want to be saved?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :> so before you complain about the setting and go all "uh Niki, hell doesn't look like this. There are no rocks or anything like this there. It's a long corridor or prison or whatever". The hell we see now is the hell Crowely built, we don't exactly know how it looked before and the setting I chose fits best with the story. So just try to roll with it ^^

"And what makes you think I want to get out of here?" his hand clenched tighter around the blade.  
"I have no interest in your desires, human." Castiel put his hand on Dean's shoulder "I have orders, heaven's orders, and I must obey them." He tugged his shoulder a little, as a sign for Dean to go with him.   
"Whoa, whoa, whoa there buddy. I don't give a stinking shit about your 'heaven' or 'orders'. Now let me be, you winged puppet." He shook the angel's hand off of his shoulder and raised the blade "now beat it before I beat you." Castiel took a step back,Even-thought he knew the blade in the vessel's hand could not hurt him.

He put two fingers on the man's forehead, and before he could resist him a beam of light went through Castiel's fingers and Dean was knocked unconscious.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

When Dean woke up  he had a strange expression on his face, Castiel assumed it was fear, whatever it was it immediately turned to anger again.  
Dean looked around him. They were in hell, still, and they hid behind some rocks. Castiel set on the dusty black floor in front of Dean. It took Dean a couple of minuets to snap back into reality and as soon as he did, he started searching for his blade.  
"I took it." Castiel said calmly, looking at the vessel, exploring every inch of him with his eyes. It was weird, Castiel just saw this man torture and kill a soul, in hell, in the very depth of hell, to be precise. So how come his soul is so bright?

Castiel was so deep in his thoughts he didn't hear what Dean had said. Now he was staring at him, clearly waiting for an answer to a question Castiel never caught. "Uh? Do you mind answering my question, butthole?" Castiel just looked at him, Dean's expression changed again; Castiel could tell he was growing impatient.  "Where. Did. You. Put. My. Frigging. Blade?!" he was practically yelling at this point. "I disposed of it. There is no need for it now." Dean looked beyond irritated now.

"Listen to me, you feathery piece of shit. Get your obedient ass back to heaven and let me get back to my life!" Castiel looked at him; he looked at his pure soul "I have to save you, Dean. Heaven needs you; they have a mission for you." Castiel's voice was calm and it drove Dean crazy. "Yeah I got that. But why me?! I'm in freaking hell! How could I be right for a mission from 'heaven'?!" Castiel stood up "it is for them to know and not for you to question." He reached his hand out "Now, please get up. We have a long journey ahead of us" Dean didn't move. He looked at the angel with eyes filled with rage and hatred. "Dean, please. I have to get you back up. I know you have no reason to believe me, you have every reason in this world to assume you are not worthy, but believe me, you are." The rage was replaced with confusion "I can't explain just now why, but you'll have to trust heaven, you'll have to trust me. Please cooperate and soon enough you'll be on earth again. It's not only for heaven, thought. I bet your brother will be pleased to see you again."  
At the mention of his brother Dean's breath stopped. He held it for a moment and when he exhaled, something about him was different, almost as if he remembered who he was.  
He took the angel's hand and Castiel helped him up. "What'd you say you name was?" Dean asked, with a calm voice (well at least calmer than before) while dusting off his pants. "Castiel" Castiel looked Dean up and down again, admiring his soul.

"Alright then, Cas. How do we get out of this pile of crap?"  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it ^^  
> I've actually decided on a scheduled- I'll update every two days.   
> next chapter will be up on February the 3rd :>>>


	3. Talking to angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They'll have to spend a lot of time together, so they may as well get to know each-other.

They've been walking for something like 18 hours now. Eventually, Castiel gave Dean a new blade that he took from one of the demons he killed on their way. He figured Dean wanted to get out of this place, for his brother, and he assumed Dean knew he was his best chance for getting out of here, so he wouldn't try to attack him again. So there was no reason to deprive him of a blade.

"I need some rest." Dean suddenly announced and set down on a rock that was near him. "We don't have time for that" it was the third time Dean asked to rest and Castiel was growing impatient.   
The journey in took him a couple of months and he was very quick and didn't stop to rest even once, and now, with Dean needing to rest every couple of hours, it'll take even longer.   
"Listen, angel, I know you're in a hurry and you don't need to rest, but I'm still somewhat human and I need to sleep." Dean let out the last word with a yawn. It was clear to Castiel that he can't go any further. "Fine. You'll sleep and I'll stay on guard." He said and set on the rock, next to Dean. "Only a couple of hours, I don't need much." Dean slid to the ground and rested his head the rock. It seemed like he really was exosted, Castiel heard Dean's breath become slow and steady only few moments after he'd closed his eyes.

While Dean was sleeping Castiel looked at his soul again. "When you bring him back, try to make him forget the journey, erase as much as you can. Then, you'll find him again and look after him until we are ready to take action." Castiel played the orders he was given over and over in his head. Find him. Salvage him. Get rid of his memories. Watch him. Then deliver him to heaven. Simple enough.  
Castiel looked at Dean's soul and was relieved it didn't get too damaged so deep in hell. "What are you smiling at?" Dean woke up and snapped Castiel out of his thoughts. He didn't even realize he was smiling until Dean pointed it out. "Have you rested enough, Dean?" Castiel quickly changed the subject. "Yeah I guess so.. Have there been any… Trouble in paradise?" Dean said with a smirk and winked at Castiel. "Are you ready to move on?" Castiel said, his expression staying absolutely the same.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was like this for almost a week now, walking and fighting for the most of the day, then stopping for an hour or two so Dean could sleep. Sometimes, Dean would have nightmares and sleep for even less than that.  
Castiel wasn't that much of a talker, same goes for Dean. They exchanged words sometimes, of course, but it was usually something along the lines of 'how much longer?' or a smart-ass comment from Dean about hell or heaven. But somewhere between the first and second weeks the lack of real conversation became unbearable.  
"You never really told me anything about yourself, Cas" Dean did a pity attempt to small-talk. "Affirmative" Castiel said with a flat voice.  
They continued walking in silence; Dean was waiting for Cas to tell him more about himself, Castiel was completely oblivious of Dean's intention to start a conversation.   
"uhh… Could… Could you tell me more about yourself, then?" Dean tried to start a conversation once again.  
"I am and angel of the lord. I'm the angel of solitude and tears. This… Mission is a new field for me.. I'm usually the watcher; there was a time when I used to supervise the death of kings." Dean did not know what to make of this new information. Luckily, it seemed Castiel understood what Dean was trying to do, "what about you, Dean Winchester?"  Dean thought for a second and then spoke "My mother died when I was very young, she was killed by a demon named Azazel… I have a younger Brother, as you already know; his name's Sammy, well… It's Sam but I usually call him Sammy… I'm here because I've sold my soul for him. I-"-"There is one thing about you that really bothers me, Dean." Castiel cut Dean before he managed to finish the sentence. "What is it, Cas?" The nickname Dean gave Castiel seemed to have stuck to him, Castiel didn’t mind it, anything was better than 'Feathery piece of shit'.   
"I don't understand how someone with a soul as pure as yours, could torture someone… Let alone enjoy it." Cas looked at Dean, Dean looked embarrassed.  
"I regret this, you know? I truly, deeply, regret this." Dean's voice was quit "I've managed to resist them for 30 years. For my first 30 years here I haven't hurt a single soul. But I broke down and gave up." Castiel understood that this topic wasn't pleasant for Dean, he couldn't think of anything else to say, so they just continued walking in silence.

Every so often Cas would shift his eyes to the side and look at Dean. He found it very pleasing, looking at Dean's soul. He convinced himself it was only logical, Dean was Michael's vessel, of course his soul would be beautiful, and it's completely understandable that Castiel would find pleasure in looking at it, isn't it?

While Cas was debating himself whether it was normal to find pleasure in looking at ones soul, Dean was desperately looking for a topic of conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it ^^  
> next chapter 5.2.16 :>
> 
> BTW the information Cas told Dean about himself is actually facts about the archangel Cassiel, on whom Castiel is based.


	4. a wayward soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They argue but sort it out soon enough ^.^

Dean couldn't come up with anything to say. Until one time he decided to ask Cas again about something that has been bothering him ever since the angel put his right hand on his left shoulder, back there at the very depth of hell, and told him heaven had a mission for him.

"So, Cas… What exactly is this 'mission' that heaven needs me for?" Castiel looked at Dean and thought for a moment, he really hoped Dean wouldn't bring this up again.  
Since there was no point in lying to him, he figured he'll just be straight with him and tell him everything as it is "Well, Sam and you are about to unleash the devil and according to the legends he must posses Sam and Michael must posses you for a final fight." Castiel waited for Dean to respond.

Dean didn't respond for quite a while, so Castiel turned around to see that Dean had stopped. He looked horrified. "So.. Umm… You're basically raising me like a pig for slaughter?!" Dean couldn't believe what he'd heard. He grew to trust Castiel; he thought Cas was saving him when in reality he was doing the opposite. "It's not like this, Dean-"-" No. Shut you pie-hole. I trusted you. I thought you intended to save my ass but you are going to give me to these angels so they could make a puppet out of me?! No thank you. I'd rather stay here." Dean turned around and started going back in the direction they came from, when an invisible force stopped him and dragged him back. He turned around when he got closer to the angel and tried to stab him with the demon blade in his hand. The blade went right through him and didn't affect him whatsoever. Dean couldn't really understand the expression that was drawn on the angelic face but he assumed Castile was not amused.

"Now listen to me very carefully, Dean Winchester." He felt the angel's rage in every word. "I am a servant of heaven, and heaven only. I have my orders and I will fulfill them. You are puny, and you are completely dependent on me. So I will not tolerate such behavior!" Dean felt the angel's breath on his face. Saying he was afraid was an understatement. "I'm sorry, Cas. It's just that I don't know if I'm willing to let some douchebag angel posses me. Let alone Sammy being possessed by freaking Lucifer an-" – "That is not for you to decide, human." Castiel let go of Dean's shirt, he didn’t even realize he was holding it until then.  
"Let's resume our journey." He continued walking in the direction they were heading. "Cas.." Dean started, "And do not call me Cas anymore. My name is Castiel, and you shell respect it." Dean felt a hole burning in his chest. He didn’t want to become heaven's puppet, but he was too afraid of Castiel and too tired of hell to resist. Castiel felt bad for releasing his rage on Dean, but he had to.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Approximately 5 hours after their fight, 9 demons attacked them out of nowhere. Both of them were unfocused and the attack took them by surprise. It seemed like Dean was the main target. Castiel did all he could to protect him but there were a lot of demons. Dean fought off most of them but as he was in a close fight with a demon Castiel noticed that another demon was sneaking behind Dean.         

          "Dean! No!" Castiel shouted as the demon swung his blade near Dean's head, almost beheading him. Dean ducked quickly and took the demon down. He got up and spun around to defend himself from the demon he was fighting prior, only to find her in front of him. He tried to take her down by beheading her but before he did so she managed to stick her blade into Dean's stomach.

Dean fell to the ground. It was only after Castiel had stabbed the last demon when he noticed Dean, lying on the dirty ground coughing up blood, dying.

Castiel rushed to him and cradled his head in his hands. He examined the wound carefully. Dean looked at Castiel's face, he looked worried, Dean assumed it was because of those "orders" he was so tired of hearing about. "Casti..." Dean started and coughed up some more blood "Dean, please don't speak. It is going to be okay, I can heal it." Castiel put his hand over the stabbing wound; bright blue-ish light came out of it. Dean felt immediate relief as the wound healed under Castiel's fingers.

Even-thought he wasn't dying anymore, Dean was still very weak. They were in the middle of an open area, even with Castiel watching over him, it was too dangerous for Dean to rest. "Can you walk?" Castiel asked as he helped Dean up to a sitting position. "I doubt it" Dean said, his voice still a little hoarse. Castiel put his arm around Dean's chest and lifted him up, and then carried him to a den in one of the walls, it was deep enough for both of them and Castiel assumed it would be enough to keep Dean safe. Castiel noticed that as they got closer to earth, Dean became weaker and weaker. He had to sleep more often and would react more harshly if he got hurt. The angel didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing, but he did know he had to bring Dean up in one piece. Orders are orders. But even without these orders, Castiel wanted to keep Dean safe. Was it normal?

"Thank you, Castiel." Dean said as he sat on the ground, head resting on the wall. Castiel looked at the man, he wasn't a bad person, and he didn't just get mad at Castiel for no reason. He just wanted to protect his brother, like he always does. "You can call me Cas if you desire." He smiled a little. "I'm sorry I tried to stab you, Cas." Dean opened his eyes and looked at the angel whom was standing in front of him. "It's fine. I understand where it came from." Dean smiled with relief.

"I should have known there was a catch, why would someone save me?" He chuckled. "What to you mean by that?" Cas asked, tilting his head to the side slightly. "I mean, common! I'm a killer; I'm literally in frigging hell! I'm broken. I don't deserve to be saved." Dean's gaze fell to the ground by the end of the sentence. Castiel felt something in his chest, it was wired, angels are not meant to feel anything. Is it… sentiment? He felt bad for Dean, the poor man was damaged, he felt worthless and dangerous, and Castiel knew he wasn't any of these things.

"Dean, believe it or not, you've been chosen to the most noble of missions ever. You are important" Cas tried to comfort the lost soul. "Yeah, I am very useful for your angel buddies, aren’t I? They're going to make a feathery monkey jump into my bones and kill the devil and then what? Throw me back into the pit?" Castiel didn't know how to answer him, he never thought of what the angels are going to do with the brothers after the fight. "I don't know what would happen afterwards, but I do know for sure that you, Dean Winchester, fully deserve to be saved." Dean laughed. "I mean it. Your soul is… It is so bright, so…. Beautiful" Cas smiled with the last word. "Wait, what? What do you mean by 'my soul'? Can you see it?" Dean sounded really confused; he straightened his back and looked at Castiel under his eyebrows. "It's all I see. When I look at you I have to endeavor to see your face features and expressions, the first thing I see is your soul. Sometimes, I find myself staring at it when you're sleeping, and whenever I look at it I can't look away. It's mesmerizing." Dean didn't know whether it was a compliment or not but he sure did blush a little. "W… uhh… Thank you, Cas…" –" You're welcome, Dean" he smiled. "Maybe the brothers could prevent Lilith from opening the seals but it's highly improbable" Cas suddenly remembered his brother Raphael adding. "However, it doesn't have to be like this. Maybe you don't have to fight at all." He said out- loud, waking Dean who was already half asleep, "Maybe.. You and your brother could prevent Lucifer's return all together. Heaven thinks it is impossible but I believe in you, Dean." Dean smiled. "Thank you, buddy" Cas felt warmth in his chest. He wanted to stay here in this small cave with Dean forever, is it weird? "Now try to get some sleep, we don’t have much left but we need to keep moving faster." Cas smiled at him. This time, Dean slept better than he did in a very long while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it :>   
> next chapter- 7.2.16 ^~^


	5. Heaven can wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel begins to feel.

When Dean opened his eyes he saw Castiel was sitting in front of him, it was clear that he's been waiting for Dean to wake up. "Finally" he sighed.  
"How long was I asleep?" Dean rubbed his eyes, "9 hours, Dean." Dean was surprised. Not only it was abnormal for him to sleep for so long without being woken up by nightmares, but also it didn't feel like he's been sleeping for so long, he didn't feel refreshed at-all. "Cas, how much longer 'till we get out of this place?" He asked, "If we stick to our current pace, I assume we'll be out of here in roughly a week." Dean thought for a moment, "Cas… how urgent is this mission?" he asked, hoping the answer will be 'not very'. "Pretty urgent, but in earth time it hasn't even been a week since I left", Dean was pleased with the answer, "do you recon we could take a day off?" He was still very tired and just wanted to stay right there in that somewhat safe cave, with Cas.  
"I guess we can" Cas said and rested his head on the dark rock wall behind him.  
Dean sighed with relief and closed his eyes."Cas" he said after a few moments of silence.  
"What is it, Dean?"- "Tell me about heaven"

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

They were sitting there, next to each-other and talking for hours. Cas had told everything he knew about heaven and they both imagined what would their heavens look like, "but haven't you been in your heaven, Cas" Dean asked "I never had an occasion" He answered, "well I hope you'll get there one day" Dean put his hand on Cas' knee and smiled at him "I hope you'll get to your heaven one day, as well" Dean knew he wouldn't go to heaven when he dies (proper dies. Like, dies-dies, no-coming-back-to-life-again, dies) but he had this little spark of hope in him that maybe if he helps heaven he might get there someday. Dean told Cas stories about earth and people, Castiel was mesmerized and swore to himself that he'll visit it someday. "Have you really never been to earth?" Dean asked in disbelief, "no… not really… I've watched over it for many years but never really been there." Cas smiled sadly "how long were you watching over us?" Dean asked. "Ever since the very beginning" He then proceeded to tell Dean about long-gone civilizations and beautiful places that have been built and then destroyed, Dean listened to the angel who was clearly passionate about the topic of conversation, he noticed that the longer he looked at him, his heart would pound harder, and as time went by, he noticed he had butterflies in his stomach every time the angel looked back at him, what was happening? Suddenly a question popped into Dean's head "Cas" he said and stopped the angel from talking, he looked at Dean and Dean felt his heart flipping over a little bit. "Are you a male or a female?" Dean asked carefully, the angel was clearly surprised by the question. "Well, I am a celestial being, therefore I don't have a gender. But if I were to take a vessel I suppose I would have gone for a male vessel" Dean already assumed Castiel identified as a male, and the answer clarified it and made Dean even more confused than before. "Why'd you ask, Dean?" Castiel tilted his head to side slightly; Dean noticed he'd done it every now and then when he was confused; he was ashamed to admit he found it cute. "No reason, I was curious that's all." He looked at the ground.

Dean's question caught Castiel by surprise, and after he'd answered it he didn't know whether Dean wanted him to continue his stories about earth at its beginning. He looked at Dean, his cheeks were bright red. "Is everything fine, Dean" he asked "yeah.. I'm fine." Cas was very aware of Dean's shoulder against his, and when Dean moved away from him he felt a cold spot where the shoulder once was. The hours that came afterwards where the definition of "awkward", even Castiel knew that.

As there was noting else to do or say, Dean fell asleep again after an hour or so. Castiel tried to control his urge to look at him while he sleeps, again. After a few minuets Cas felt something on his shoulder. Dean must have slid down the wall and now his head was resting on the angel's shoulder. It made Castiel feel all warm and fuzzy inside, he smiled involuntarily when he saw Dean peacefully sleeping on his shoulder. A thought that quickly ran though Castiel's mind made him a little uneasy. He felt strong affection towards the human. Was it possible the feeling was mutual? Maybe that's why Dean asked Cas about his gender identity. Could it be that Castiel was falling for Dean Winchester?

All his life Castiel was afraid of the word 'fall' because it was associated with weakness and disgrace, but it was painless and easy, falling for Dean, and it made him happy.

He ran his fingers through Dean's hair, cherishing every moment; he knew it wouldn't last much longer.

                                         

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter 9.2.16  
> I promise some fluff next time ^^


	6. Catch me if I fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> feelings confuse Cas but it doesn't stop him from enjoying them.

It has been almost a week since that night in the cave. Dean has slept with his head on Castiel's shoulder ever since, it was nice, and comfortable. And Castiel didn't mind it at-all; in fact, he liked being so close to Dean.

It wasn't only demons that attacked them now, and fighting the hell hounds becomes harder and harder as they get closer to the top, as Dean sees less of them with every encounter.  
It came to the point where he saw only a faint silhouette of the hounds, when Cas decided it'll be better if he was the only one trying to fight. Cas threw himself in front of Dean countless times while Dean had no other choice than to stand behind him, hoping he's well.  
Cas would suffer after every fight and they had to stop in order for Cas to heal himself.  
He would have claws and teeth stuck inside of his open wounds, it couldn't kill him, but even in angel terms, it hurt.

"Let me help you" Dean offered the angle who was struggling to get a tooth out of his back. Cas turned his back to Dean and whispered a silent 'thank you'. Dean looked at the angel's back, the tooth was deep and it would cause Castiel a lot of pain when he tries to take it out. "Buckle up, Cas. This is gonna hurt."

After a long time of pulling the tooth out as tender as he could, Cas' back was finally clean.  
Blue-ish light came out of the remaining wound as it healed itself.  
"Do you have wings, Cas?" Dean suddenly asked, looking at his back for so long got him thinking. "I do. But I can't show them to you, not here, they'll draw too much attention." Dean nodded to himself, to be honest; he really wanted to see Cas' wings.  
Cas turned to face Dean, they were close, closer than they've ever been. "Thank you, Dean" Cas said, almost whispering. All Dean could think of was how much he wanted to lean in and close the distance between them. The thought scared him and his first instinct was to move away from Cas. But he resisted it.  
They just stared at each-other. Dean knew that his feelings towards his savior were more than just friendship but he couldn't come to terms with them, knowing Castiel would never share them.

Castiel looked at Dean's bright eyes; they were just as bright as his soul. He wanted to kiss him, but he didn't know whether Dean would appreciate such gesture.

They just stood there, staring at each other. Eventually, Dean put his hand on Castiel's arm, he just couldn't resist it anymore. The human looked at the angel with his beautiful, bright green eyes that were like a gateway to a soul that was even brighter. Castiel's hand found its way to Dean's left shoulder as they closed the gap between them, crashing their lips together. It felt heavenly. It was tender and slow and made both of them feel more alive than they've ever felt in their life. Dean pulled away when he felt his left shoulder burn under Castiel's hand. "I'm sorry" Cas mumbled when Dean saw the burn mark. "When a claim is made on a living soul it leaves a mark." He explained, "I can fix it" –"No. It's fine." Dean stopped him and planted a kiss on his cheek "I don't mind being claimed by you" he whispered in his ear.

Castiel hopped he would always think that, even when he forgets all about this kiss when he gets out of hell; even when he forgets all about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter tomorrow :>>  
> and on the 12th I'm going to post an epilogue which will contain spoilers up to season 11 (sorry :


	7. If I fall..

Tears were streaming down Dean's face, he couldn't remember the last time he cried altogether, let alone over someone.  
"Dean, it'll be quick, I promise. And I won't leave you, you'll see me again." Cas put his right hand on Dean's shoulder, trying to comfort him. "There is no other way, Dean. I wish there was, but you have to forget me." Dean looked at the angel.  
They've almost reached the top, there was only one layer to go and it'll take only a few minutes to go through it.  
Dean shouldn't be sad; he was coming home, to Sammy, to Bobby, back to his somewhat normal life. But going back there meant forgetting Cas, forgetting the last few months they've shared in this horrible place, the only moments that made this journey bearable. Dean had never felt such strong affection towards someone, and he was not willing to give it up so easily.   
"Just erase the first 40 years. Let me have the last months, let me have you, please." Dean pleaded "I wish I could." He said and really meant it. He wished Dean could remember him.   
He knew he would still remember Dean; he'd have to look over him, talk to him, be next to him, while resisting any urge he might have, because Dean would see him as nothing but a stranger, a monster, even. Cas never loved anyone, he wasn't supposed to be able to experience such emotions, but somehow, he did.   
He loved Dean Winchester.

Certainly, it was hard for both of them, but soon enough Dean will be reunited with his baby brother while Cas would quietly pine for him.

"Dean, please." Cas tried to fined Dean's gaze, he was looking at the ground, avoiding Cas, "Dean look at me" Cas wanted to see these beautiful green eyes that were filled with love for him, he knew they won't be the same, soon. Dean looked up at Cas "I need you, Cas." He said before kissing him, a soft, long kiss, the last one. "Just, get this over with." Dean said after pulling away, eyes still closed. Cas put two fingers on each of Dean's temples and Closed his eyes, if he could cry, he probably would have now.   
Dean's body became heavy as he lost his consciousness. Cas hugged him, burring his face in the humans hair. He pulled himself together again. Castiel put his right arm around Dean's body, his palm on the burn mark he left.

He spread his wings and flew them out of hell.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Good job, Castiel!" Zachariah congratulated Cas on retrieving the vessel from hell. Castiel wanted to be proud of himself but he couldn't get rid of the image of Dean's soul reattaching itself to his ruined body. He had to fix it before he left him there, alone, in his grave, in the middle of nowhere.  
Castiel was welcomed like a hero, back in heaven. "The vessel will get out of its grave soon enough, as soon as he does we want you to try and talk to him. Your new mission is to look after him and his brother, make sure they kill Lilith. Observe, mainly. That's what you're the best at." His brother was very pleased and it showed.

Castiel wanted to tell him to not call Dean "the vessel" but by his name. He wanted to tell him that Dean and Sam would not want to be Lucifer and Michael's vessels; that they would rather stop the apocalypse to begin with, even if it meant both of them would die. But he couldn't. He had to obey heaven's orders.

But he knew that when the time comes, no orders could stop him from helping Dean Winchester.

He was willing to fall for him, in every possible way.                  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the last chapter, technically.  
> on the 12th I'm going to post an epilogue which will contain spoilers to season 11.   
> So.. this is it for now ^^   
> Kudos are very much appreciated :> please send the fic to your friend ^^  
> You can find me on tumblr- (i've no idea how to link it ._. My url is Awkward-fangirling-potato, feel free to send me asks or anything ^^)


	8. I fell.... (Epilogue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel fell for Dean Winchester in every way possible.   
> He falls even further when he understands that Dean will never learn to love him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue contains spoilers to episodes up to season 11 so if you havn't seen ep10 in season 11 DO NOT read this.   
> It is not exactly a part of the main story, I wrote it right after I saw ep 10 (those who've seen it will understand me :\\\\\ )  
> yeah so.. I'm sorry in advance. yeah and also it's from Cas' POV

**2009**

I've tried to speak to him. I assumed he'd understand me, he understood me before. I was wrong. My voice had hurt him. I don't want to hurt him. I had to find a vessel.

A thought of taking a female vessel crossed my mind, but he didn't seem to mind me being a male before, so why should it bother him now?

He called me. He wanted to see me. I assume it is only because he toughed I was some kind of monster.

"Who are you?" He asked

"I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition" _please remember me_

"Yeah. Thanks for that" _Why was he so angry?_

He stabbed me, _just like then_ , I thought. but it felt different. It hurt. Not physically, as I'm still an angel and I can't feel pain from such a puny blade. It hurt me deep inside, _he want's to kill me._  

I had to speak with him, with him only, alone.

I knocked his friend unconscious. He looked so worried. "Your friend is alive" I clarified

"Who are you?" he demanded

"Castiel" _recognize my name. Please. Call me Cas again._

"Yeah, I figured that much. I mean WHAT are you?" _I'm an angel. I'm your angel._

"I'm an Angel of the Lord"

"Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing"

There was lightning and thunder. I spread my wings wide. _Here you go Dean. You wanted to see them._ I thought.

We chatted a little more. He didn't believe me. He was so mad at me for possessing Jimmy. _I'm sorry, Dean, I wish you could still look at my true form._

He still didn't believe he deserved to be saved. I wanted to shout at him that he is worth it, that he is special. But I couldn't.

He seemed to trust me. I wish I could tell him everything we went through together, but I had a mission.   
I got him into trouble, not once, I'm so sorry I did.  
Maybe he never did forgive me for not trapping Alistair well enough, or for abandoning him after heaven noticed I was falling and dragged me back. They were right, though. I was getting to close to the humans in my charge. _Him_.  I tried to drop him hints-  
"They believe I've begun to express emotions…" _Dean, understand me. Please. Remember me.  
_

I watched him sleep occasionally. It calmed me down, made me feel hopeful.

He prayed to me, I always came, I made him believe and it made me hope he could still remember, or at least learn to love me again. And every now and then I touched his shoulder, his left shoulder, where my hand-print was. The shoulder I touched when I first met him, it seemed a lifetime away, now.

He kissed Anna. _Maybe I should've taken a female vessel, after all,_ the thought pained me, but it was true. I tried to make him understand how I feel, I've made so many exceptions for him but, he never understood me or my intentions.

I had to heal the mark on his shoulder, eventually. He wanted it to be gone. I should've known he won't remember me back then, I should have known he'll never feel the same.  
I should have got the hint.

 

**2010**

They've let Lucifer free, I couldn't stop them. Not without heaven seeing where my heart truly was.

I've started to get used to earth, it was just as beautiful, just as Dean had described it. The Winchesters gave me a phone so I could talk to them. It was nice, it made me believe he cared for me, not in the way I cared for him but still, he cared enough to make sure he could always find me.   
We became closer, we became friends. I've tried to hint him. I stood close to him, as close as then, when we shared our first kiss. I've rebelled for him. He didn’t appreciate it. I've hurt him, I didn't want to, but I was furies. _Dean, say you'd do the same for me!_  

I've done all I can to help them against Lucifer, but I couldn't save Sam. _I'm sorry, Dean.  
_ I remember how I've touched his face after Sam fell into the cage, his skin felt familiar under my fingers, and I wanted to kiss him so badly.   
And there was this one time. He was so mad, not at me specifically, but at everyone. I understand now that it was because he wanted to say 'yes' to Michael and he wanted to make sure we wouldn't miss him. He told Sam he didn't trust him to be strong and resist Lucifer, he told Bobby he wasn't his father, and he told me… he told me to _blow_ _him_. He said that he'd had intercourse with the last person who looked at him the way I did. I should've known back then that he knew how I felt and simply didn't care.

 

**2011**

_I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry._

I think that this is when he started to hate me. I've betrayed him. I did everything wrong. I'm sorry. I should have come to him. But he was happy. He was happy without me. But still. I've always been there. Watching, listening, I would always help him. I would always save him. He said I'm family.

I tried to hint again, "Dean and I do share a more profound bond" I said, Sam had no idea how profound that bond really was, and sadly, neither did Dean.

He said he would have died for me. I would too, any day, everyday.  
He was so worried about me. But I was blind, I was stupid, I was weak, he lost everyone because of me, maybe he did love me.   
But I've betrayed his trust and never gained it again.

 

**2012**

He saved me.

He waited for me.

He kept my coat.

I thought he loved me.

I know now he didn't.

I had to repay him.

I've saved Sam.

He was so patient with me, even when I was so difficult because of Sam's madness. _Thank you, Dean.  
_ He believed in me even when I didn't. He said he'd rather have me, cursed or not. In that moment I truly believed I got him back. ~~_Little did I know_~~

I fell for him again, in every sense of the word.

The angels were right. I've lost myself ever since I've laid my hand on him in hell, more than a lifetime ago.

 

**2013**

He looked for me. He wouldn't leave without me. I couldn’t endanger him again. He had to leave me behind. But he was _pining_ for me, I could sense it, I could hear him. So I came back.

We could have been happy, I was almost certain he felt the same way about me as I felt about him. He had no problem with me staying in their room, I could watch him sleep again, it was a nice reminder of times that were long gone.

But Naomi. I don't know what she did but it was like I was trapped inside my own body.  
We started to slowly drift apart, Dean and I.   
I said I was sorry but it didn't make any difference, he took the mark of Cain, of course I couldn't trust him. He knew it, so he stopped trusting me, too, and never did again.   
She wanted me to kill him. And I almost did, but he said _he needed me_ , just like he did then, and I couldn't hurt him. I wish he'd said he loved me, but I know he wouldn't lie to me.

 

**2014**

I was so, so stupid. I should have never trusted Metatron.  
I fell, I was human. The worst part was that I couldn't look at his beautiful soul anymore, but I couldn't either way. It was slowly being corrupted by the mark. I missed it, I missed him.  
I died and he saved me but then he told me to go away, so I did.

I've tried to make it on my own but I couldn't.  
I've stolen grace, I've had an army, and I gave it all up, I fell even lower. And I did all of that, for _Dean_.   
He wasn't himself, he was weird, it was the mark, of course.

I wanted to save him; ~~maybe if we both were human he'd like to kiss me again~~.  
But I failed him; he got killed, and I know it was my fault.

 

**2015**

He was a demon. I couldn't believe it. After all I've done, all I've sacrificed, he was a demon.   
We saved him, thought. Well, Sam did.

But the mark was still there. I wanted to make everything right again. I wanted to help. I wanted to save him again. I did what I could and I knew it would lead to consequences but I had to.

It was me. It was my fault. I've unleashed the darkness because I cared too much about a person who could never care this much for me.

_And now-_

 

**2016**

I had to fix it.

"Can you really beat her?" _I'm sorry, Dean, I have no choice._

"Yes, I can" _sorry._

I know now he would never love me back, and I don't blame him. Embriel helped me come to terms with something I knew for a very long time now- I was worthless, the Winchesters used me. Dean used me. I knew there was something going on between Dean and Amara.

I knew that he was not pining for me anymore. He was pining for her now. I don't know whether it was voluntary or not, but he was longing for her, _he loved her_.  
And it hurt me so, so much. 

I wanted to help The Winchesters. I wanted to help Dean. And there was no other way.

_Please remember me, Dean._

"Then **_Yes_** "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah.. so that's it :\\\\\ I'm so so sorry... Also, I'm anti-Demara, but it looks like the show is heading towards that and I really, really, really don't like it :\\\\\


End file.
